Numb
by Kitsuna Ri
Summary: My first songfic, was supposed to be one-shot...but now it's not...umm future yaoi...please read and review!


Disclaimer: Nope...when do I ever own anything...sighs  
  
Hello! Another fanfic brought ta ya by! Me!! this is one I started to write while listening to Linkin Park's, Numb and on my way ta th' anime con this year!!! It is of course.....yaoi!!! Mwuahaha and it is my first songfic! It's not th' best but I do kind of like it! Soooo enjoy!!! No flames ect.!!!  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, cursing, angst, AU, OOCness  
  
[adad]= song lyrics  
  
Numb  
  
By: Kitsuna Ri  
  
[I'm tired of being what you want me to be]  
  
"Shun'n! Dear gods boy! Why can't you be more like your sisters!! Look at these grades! They're awful!!"  
  
Genrou groaned as his mother yelled at him for the fifth time that day. It was normal, he was never perfect like his sisters, and couldn't do anything right.  
  
[Feeling so faithles  
  
Lost under the surface  
  
I don't know what you're expecting of me]  
  
"You're grounded again! This time you are not to go out at all!! Now get yer ass in yer room and study!!!"  
  
"Yes ma'am..."  
  
Genrou trudged up to his room, his sisters snickering and whispering as he passed by.  
  
"Can't even pass geometry..."  
  
"Pathetic..."  
  
[Put under the pressure  
  
of walking in your shoes]  
  
He ignored his sisters and walked into his room. It looked so much bigger since his mom took everything out. All he really had left was his bed, books and clothes. And the cd player he hid in his backpack....  
  
[_caught in the undertow/  
  
just caught in the undertow_  
  
Every step that I take is  
  
Another mistake to you]  
  
Houjun shut and locked the door to his room, trying to close out his father's yelling.  
  
"You bastard of a son!! You're worthless! You should have died!!"  
  
Houjun laid down on his bed, a pillow covering his head.  
  
[I've  
  
Become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
Become so tired  
  
So much more aware]  
  
He wasn't worthless...he did everything he could to be perfect for his father, his grades were all A's, he was president of the student council and a third degree black belt..But, he had killed his mother, and his father hated him. The yelling continued and didn't stop. His father may have stopped but the words echoed in his head....  
  
"Gods help me..."  
  
[I'm becoming this  
  
All I want to do  
  
Is be more like me  
  
And be less like you]  
  
Genrou finished his other homework and pulled out his geometry.  
  
"Ugh...I'll never understand this shit..."  
  
He began to work when his mother walked in.  
  
"I've gotten you a tutor Shun'n...he will help you pass geometry and get you caught up."  
  
Genrou nodded and sighed when his mother walked out. Like a tutor would really help...  
  
[Can't you see that you're smoterhing me  
  
holding to tightly  
  
Afraid to lose control  
  
'cause everything that you thought I would be  
  
has fallen apart right in front of you.]  
  
He did what he could and crawled into his bed.  
  
"This pressure is killin' me...."  
  
Houjun fell asleep on his tear-stained sheets, his dreams haunted by his father's words. He awoke the next morning with a start and scrammbled out of the house before his father could awaken.  
  
[_Caught in the undertow/  
  
just caught in the undertow_]  
  
Houjun reached the school and went into the bathroom to check if his eyes were still red. His fingers brushed his scarred eye and he flinched as the memory flashed.  
  
Flashback  
  
"Houjun!! Get yer ass down here!"  
  
Houjun hurried down the stairs and entered the living room heisitantly and frightend. His father was back from drnking and was going to start yelling at Houjun again...he knew it...  
  
"Y-Yes father?"  
  
"Don't you 'Father' me! You're a curse! Not a son! Your mother shouldn't of given birth to you! She would still be alive!!"  
  
Houjun winced slightly at his father's harsh words but continued to stand there.  
  
"Damnit boy! Don't stand there like you're not caring! You killed your mother! Don't you feel any remorse you bastard?!"  
  
"O-Of course I do...I-I wish she was still here..."  
  
"Liar!!!"  
  
Then it happened, his father knocked him across the face with his broken beer bottle. Houjun screamed in anguish and clutched his wounded ey. Blood rushed down his face and his father wore a sickining smirk.  
  
"Serves you right you murderous bastard. Now clean this up!!"  
  
End flashback  
  
Houjun's eyes filled with tears again but he wiped them away quickly.  
  
[And every second I waste  
  
is more than I can take]  
  
Genrou woke up, slamming his alram clock onto the floor. He crawled out of bed and put on his clothes. He hurried down the stairs and grabbed some toast before heading to school. His mother's dissapointed words were still in his head and he looked to the sky, thinking, as he walked to school.  
  
"Bet that bitch wasn't always so perfect..."  
  
[But I know  
  
I may end up failing too  
  
But I know  
  
You were just like me  
  
With someone disappointed in you]  
  
As Genrou walked onto school he continued to think of things that his mother constantly yelled at him about. It was always the same thing though...he would mess up somehow no matter how hard he tried not to!  
  
"My life sucks..."  
  
"Really? Yestereday you said it blowed....your life has got skills dude!" ((borrowed quote from a conversation with a friend "''))  
  
Genrou turned around and hit his friend Kouji with his backpack.  
  
"Shut it you perv."  
  
"hehe ya know I was only jokin'...so bad day yesterday?"  
  
Genrou eyed his friend, annoyance written all over his face.  
  
"What th' hell do you think?"  
  
"Take that as a yes..."  
  
Kouji dodged another blow and looked up when it didn't come. Something was really wrong...  
  
"What exactly happend man?"  
  
"My bitch of a mother got me a fuckin' tutor because I failed geometry and gave me th' whole "You worthless son, why can't you be more like yer sisters?!" speech..."  
  
"Damn dude."  
  
Genrou shrugged and the two continued to walk in silence.  
  
At school, Houjun finished washing his face and making sure his eye wasn't puffy. He walked out of the bathroom in a hurry and didn't notice he had opened the door too wide, causing him to hit someone rather hardly.  
  
"Gaaahhhh!! Shit!!"  
  
"Oh I'm so sorry!"  
  
"Geeze Houjun! Angry at the door much?"  
  
Houjun's worry disappated and he sighed.  
  
"Hey Hikou."  
  
Houjun's best friend, Hikou rubbed his face and grinned.  
  
"You 'Jun! Ya know what today is??"  
  
"Tuesday?"  
  
"No! Well acutally...yes it is....but it's yer birthday ya idiot!!"  
  
Houjun looked at Hikou in confusion and went over the days in his head. Hikou was right...it was his birthday. The day just couldn't get any worse could it?  
  
"Oh yeah...it is...great..."  
  
Hikou sighed and slapped Houjun on the back.  
  
"Come on man! Ya gotta cheer up! Yer gonna be sixteen!!!"  
  
Houjun shrugged. To him, there was nothing he could be happy about...he never enjoyed his birthdays...Hikou sighed.  
  
"Houjun...I know ya keep blaming your self, but it wasn't your fault....Ya know I bet your mother is upset that you never enjoy your birthday! I mean she gave her life for yours!"  
  
"I know...but somehow it just doesn't feel right to me..."  
  
Hikou sighed.  
  
"Alright man, but I'm not gonna let you stay at her grave all day. I'm gonna force you to celebrate your birthday whether you want to or not!! Later!!!"  
  
"Wait Hikou...I...ugh..."  
  
Before Houjun could retort, Hikou ran off to his class. Houjun sighed and walked to his own class. Why did it matter so much?  
  
[I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you ]  
  
TBC  
  
Ok ok! I realllllyyyy wanted this to be a one shot buuuut....I now I think it's gonna grow into a chapter fic!!! I'm soooo sorry 'bout that!!! But if you like it...please tell me! I really love reviews!! And I promise Dance for me is coming!! Really! It's jus' with finals comin' up I haven't had time ta type it up! Th' only reason this is up is I had it typed up on a forum I'm on and all I had ta do was copy, paste and reformat...yes I'm lazy...so sue me....but I am sorry!! But, I really hope you enjoyed this, and please tell me your thoughts! You can yell at me about not makin' this a one shot too if you want too!! bows forgive me for all my impertinence!! But umm review!! '''' 


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